Im attracted to do things opposite to the society, not the big deliquency, but the little one, little bad things, just no be kind, and not necassary respect the law.
I can give you an example, Im in mc donald, I can take the order of someone else they dont verify, and eat for free… etc
Yes because, Im excluded by the society Im excluded with people, so why I should make effort to be kind, to throw things in the trash, to help slutty hot girl who have easy life as all men want to be with her, why I should be kind ???
I have these tought because I cant express my anger, if I could just yell at people, just yell at girls, I wont be attracted by the deliquency anymore, and I will feel not depressed anymore, I need to yell at people.
But I cant, I need an emmergency reason to do that, I cant yell to people if he/she didnt look at me good, or he/she answer to me coldly.
You know I already said it in other places, my environnement is fuckin western students with their fuckin super easy and confortable life, I really tried to be kind with them in a time, it doesent work, they want only fun, and because my heart was not autentic, I had pain, and anger in my heart, but we learn in education, I had a pious education to be kind to people.
And when Im alone and I think to yell at them, I imagine, they will take revenge on me, and do me bad things, and me Im not used to that, so they will ham me, so Iwill need to harm them more, so Ill be fired to school.
You know guys I tought a lot about my situation get out of it, I know I really need to work, to be in the professional world. Because the work save you from delinquancy, from doing bad things. And the environnement of work is more more adapted to me, worker had a harder life, work is harder than studies, so I wont be with fuckin spoiled student, but with real worker.
You know Im disgusted by shcool, because I cant express my emotions, myself in this lax environnement.
I understand now deliquancy and criminality, I understand, this not because of the people are necessarly bad, but they begin to do that their environement. I understand why the ghetto, in the woods, in the sensitives subrbs yougs people are attracted by the delinquency.
Me I really want to avoid it, because it is not my education, Im not adapted to that, and it is more harder more dangereous, more difficultl life.
It is better for me to be included in the society a long as still I have a chance. It is better for me to be a good person in the society, because I care too much about people, and because I had a pious, very well education far way from the deliquency, Im not used to do bad things,
I know even people included in the society do very bad things, I saw them, I saw the majority of people are so hypocrites and with no strong principles. But whatever, I will tempt to be integrated in the society, I just need to start workin, even I fail or I pass my last year of studies, even I fail to be an engineer, I should start to work in emmergency, writing, to avoid deliquency.
Yeah guys I write here to avoid it, because it is a scary world, it is a totally different world, and could be very addictive, when we start the street…
I need to be in an environnement where we work hard to not think about bad tought, and I need to be environnement with real people, not spoiled people, not hypocrites people, not selfish people, to forget my envy to harm people