Week 5, Day 3.
The Smartphone Struggle.
I want to tell a little story.
When I was 16, it was around the afternoon of April 19, 2017. I wanted to switch to a flipphone really bad. I had a smartphone and I was just tired of constantly taking the easy way out with porn. So I tried something drastic. I dropped my phone in the washing machine (with the water and soap filled of course). I just drenched the thing and then smashed it. Yeah I admit it, I did it on purpose. I wanted to destroy it to finally be switched to a flip phone. I hate how I had to be so drastic, but it was the only option at the time. I would have not went through with it if I knew for sure I would be forced to get another smartphone.
But unfortunately, that was the case. Somehow upgraded for compensation. There’s a catch. If I destroy it again, I won’t have a phone at all.
As we all know, I’m trying to free myself from the screen. I see my smartphone as an inhibitor for my day to day life. Every time I bring it I have that temptation to use it. I hate using it. Even after I turned it into a dumb phone. And when I leave it at home, I feel like a normal human being. 99% of my life, I don’t really need it. Even in those make believe emergency situations. Calling for help with my phone would honestly be one of the last things I would do. The first being to get the hell out of there, and if I’m not in the right place to do that then hiding somewhere or something. The phone lines would be so overloaded that calling for help would be useless.
So why have a phone then? Why should I have it if the most important use for it probably won’t even work when I would need it most. Even if I’m not calling 911. By the time I try to call for help I’m probably already dead. So it would be better to run or fight. I dunno why I’m thinking this if I relapsed on porn with my computer and iPad.
So that sort of got me thinking. What would happen if it happened again? I’m not sure what would happen if it did. As maybe it could happen by accident. It would be extremely risky. Not having a phone at all. But it could also be refreshing as well. Life would be so different.
But relapsing on porn. I wanna quit. But I keep failing. No girls around to…quell urges if you catch my drift. And maybe I should just stick an ice pack to my crotch when nobody is around. I never tried it, but maybe it can give the temptations the cold shoulder. Pun 100% intended.