Some background: As a child, I was an avid reader. I was born in the mid-Nineties but didn’t have access to a home computer until I was 9. Unfortunately, I was in a bad situation and was already suffering from mental illness. My computer use became unhealthy by the age of 10. I had lost the ability to enjoy anything at all and the computer was the only thing stimulating enough. I had realised that my computer use was unhealthy by my teens. But due to my mental and physical health issues, I wasn’t capable of doing much. So the computer became a way to at least have some stimulation.
I’m now in a much better place physically and mentally, but I have been unable to improve due to my addiction to the internet. I primarily have an issue with using the internet to distract/numb myself and an information addiction.
On to the journal: I only started my NoSurf journey 3 days ago. I don’t know why but something just clicked inside of me and I realised that the internet is holding me back and has consumed my life. I’ve installed SelfControl, and the amount of times I’ve tried to go to reddit or youtube before remembering it’s blocked and why is insane. It’s like a compulsion/automatic reflex.
That said I’m already seeing improvements. I was terrified the effects of the internet on my mind would take years to undo. But, I can already see improvements in my attention span and concentration. I’ve regained the ability to read. I have started reading The Battle for Australia and The Shallows. My mind feels clearer and clearer. My ability to comprehend and understand information is coming back.
It has been hard to give up but with the fact I’m already seeing major improvements, I think it’s worth it. I would like to get facebook back, primarily for the facebook messenger function (I never check the newsfeed and such), but there’s nothing else I want to remove from my blocklist.
When I get the compulsion to check something on the internet I go to NoSurf, because I hope that by obsessively reading NoSurf instead of reddit, youtube or google binges that will help to motivate me to change my mindset - in the same way that being exposed to ads/propaganda can affect your beliefs/desires.
Here’s hoping I keep up this journal and quit for good.