hi, i’m on my 9th semester of college and my final project is a mess. i always knew i have an unhealthy internet usage, and have tried many times to stop. I actually succeeded a few semester earlier, after i messed up my grade, and just had a burning motivation to fix things. unfortunately after a semester of things going well and i feel slightly safer, the old habit came back again and maybe got even worse.
i’m bad at writing so this might be a mess. i just want to to write anything i had in mind to understand myself. my current state of internet addiction is i’m using it as a distraction when i’m feeling anxious, and of course it just makes the anxiety even worse. what i hate even more is that i don’t even feel entertained or happy doing what i’m doing on the internet. i mean i have friends who procrastinate by watching a movie or play games. I think they’re better than me because at least what they’re doing is actually engaging and they actually focus on it. Meanwhile what i do in the internet are really shallow stuff, i’m talking like scrolling social media without really paying attention about what im looking at, watching short youtube videos, constantly checking on messenger and social media, i can even stay for a good hour just looking at my phone’s gallery lmao. I rarely get to do highly engaging things on the internet because i always feel guilty from the start so i tend to pick things that “won’t take a long time” so i can get back to doing what i’m supposed to do faster, but of course that doesnt happen and i end up spending hours watching shallow stuff which just numbs my brain and makes me feel bad. phew i guess that’s all i want to rant about for now
so i just found the nosurf subreddit and i’m going to be brave and give it a shot
i totally expect failure and setbacks but i’ll try to keep on going
i am very pessimistic but i do believe i can be free someday. wish me luck.
i’ll try to set a short term and simple goal for now since i just started.
tomorrow is weekend and i’ll try to kid myself into thinking i should just start nosurf on monday but i know i have a lot of things i need to get done asap.
so my goals are :
- no instagram until next weekend (i know i’ll kid myself into thinking i need to upload some art, but that is totally not a priority right now ok??)
- no music while working (it eases my anxiety but i get so unfocused i get more anxious after a while. this is also internet problem, yes im talking about you spotify), use pomodoro and listen to your jam only on breaks
- no youtube on phone
- you can watch videos on the internet, but MINDFULLY. i already made list of things i can watch to relax that doesn’t include my toxic yotube subscriptions, so only watch things from there
- only watch those videos on tv in the living room (which is far less comfy than my bedroom) so i can be less likely to get stuck on the rabbit hole of clicking other unrelated videos after it ends.
- no coffee, just tea (it’s not internet problem but coffee makes me anxious even though i love it) until next weekend.
- no checking group chats that i’ve hide until i’m done with work and made progress on final project
for anyone reading this, i’m sorry this is a mess.
day 1 : joined nosurf and read many tips, set my phone on grayscale, installed app lock to keep me from watching youtube on my phone, installed twilight so hopefully i can get better sleep, turn on dfyoutube (i always had the extension but i turned it off lol), created list of better things i can watch on the internet instead of my toxic youtube subscriptions, cleared up my messengers, feeling hopeful but i know it will be hard