Journal - Seeking understanding


#1

Hello, if you are reading this. I would like to start becoming more dedicated to this idea of nosurf. I have, for the past few years, been aware of nosurf and have taken some steps to put me on this path. My biggest successes have involved choosing living situations where surfing is simply not an option. I have also delayed in getting a smartphone.

However, when I do have access to the internet, I tend to use it irresponsibly. And currently, I’m transitioning into a situation again where I will have regular access. I’m already seeing the same problems come up.

I have at some points in the past been able to simply avoid surfing altogether, despite having access. I found if I could get past the initial compulsions, I didn’t really miss it and didn’t feel so tempted. But I would gradually start surfing again after a few weeks and soon be back to my normal habits.

I find myself getting intensely interested in the zeitgeist, culture wars, political ideologies, conspiracies, and I worry about having to give that up. There’s a certain amount of that which can only be found on the internet. But also, I can sense that prolonged use of the internet makes me less focused, more anxious, more biased, more impulsive. These aspects seem to be opposed to a truer understanding of the situation. So, if I’m seeking some understanding of this reality we’re in, I don’t think it will be found exclusively online. If anything, it will be found in the mundane activities of day to day life, undisturbed by an obsession with screens.

I’ve installed the Freedom app on my desktop, and that has seemed to help. I also want to use reading as a way to fulfill my interests rather than the internet. We’ll see how it goes!


#2

Things are going ok so far since I last posted. Initially I was able to cut down my time spent online significantly, but now ten days later I’m starting to go back in the other direction.

A few points:

-When I go to the gym in the morning I have an easier time staying offline later in the day.

-When I use the internet in the evening, I stay up later and I wake up later, leaving me less time to go to the gym.

-One of my patterns is to use the internet in the morning before work, especially if I don’t have anything planned for me to do.

So, I think a big part of why I get off track is going to bed late and getting less sleep. And if I don’t have anything to occupy myself in the morning (reading, gym, etc.) I tend to use the internet. When I use the internet in the morning, I lose track of time more often and usually end up having to rush to work. Solutions to this could include preparing for the next day the night before, so journaling, scheduling, setting out gym and work clothes.

These are small actions, but they seem to keep me on track. What I’m not sure of is why I get off track in the first place. It’s as if when something external adjusts my schedule, I don’t anticipate and counteract that, and that leads to the downward spiral. So, if I can spend some time journaling every night, make that more consistent, maybe that will help recognize this sooner.

One victory, I’ve avoided one particular website that I’ve identified as causing me issues. I find it stimulating because I’m exposed to information there that is concerned with the present state of the world and there’s a lack of apparent censorship. But I’ve found that it often leads me to PMO, and also that it’s likely not a psychologically healthy space. It’s basically reactionary, and more concerned with being contrarian than fair. It’s a good place to become possessed, so I’ve stopped. And in general, I feel more and more lately that my search for information has not been based on a search for wisdom, but a kind of urgency. There is a lot out there trying to convince people, co-opting minds for ideology, regardless of whether it’s a conscious agenda or not.

I’ve also been walking more, I forgot how much I enjoy it.