I want to change


#1

Hi.Call me BullRunner.I’m from India,and have been a nosurfer for sometime now(on Reddit)

I’m a 22 year old and have wasted a lot of time in the past 2 years of my life on internet/gaming/porn(well,a lot of time in the last 9 years on it).My life has been a plateau since mid 2016,no real progress.I believe I’ve messed up my reward systems really bad due to the above mentioned habits.
After graduation,I had free time on my hands,and was really stressed about my life.Even though I was never an avid gamer,I picked up gaming and before I could realize,I was addicted,playing all day.
Somewhere around summer 2017,when I came to grips with my situation,I decided to quit porn and gaming.And I did,have been away from porn and gaming for more than a year now.Then internet addiction took greater control.I had been feeding myself bouts of dopamine all day(thanks to porn and gaming) and when I went cold turkey,it left a vacuum and I craved for dopamine,eventually turning towards social media and youtube.

I have been fighting my own habits,and have succeeded to some extent.I use an app called space,which has helped me reduce the time spend on my phone to a good extent.However,I am on my laptop all day due to my preparations,and still waste a good amount of time on it,mindlessly browsing.I feel guilty,and then I stay disciplined for sometime,buuuutttt eventually I get back to my old habits.I’m like the guy in this video

I lack motivation and get anxious sometimes,and I think its because of my past habits.I didn’t really face such anxiety problems before I started gaming.
I read a book called The Brain that changes itself,and that made me realize and believe how effective my past habits have been to cultivate my lack of attention and motivation.
It also made me realize that I can change for good.This article was of great help too,read it if you’re in a similar situation.

I am trying to stay away from Reddit and thought that some accountability from this community would help me,so here I am.

I plan to sleep early everyday,wake up around 5 to 5.30 in the morning and start studying early morning.Also,I haven’t really reached the performance I am capable of.I used to study like crazy during the University exams.I think I’m performing at around 60% of my capability,mainly due to the time I waste and lack of motivation.I am preparing for GMAT,and have taken much more time than I should.I wanna get disciplined.
I will meditate everyday,stay away from mindless browsing and utilize my time mindfully.To be honest,I have been trying,but have been inconsistent.The past few days haven’t been good.I’m a huge Eminem fan,he released an album last week and there’s a load of buzz on the net around it.Instead of enjoying the music,I’ve been caught up a bit too much in the news,discussions,reactions and memes.
I wanna change,and then help others change as well.I see people all around engrossed in their phones,ignoring the beautiful world.But heck,I’m no different,sitting at home supposedly preparing for an exam,but I still don’t utilize the time I have fully.
By the end of this year,I want to get done with my exam and move on to my next goal.I want to change,and hopefully I will.

Thanks for hearing me out. :slight_smile:


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#2

Hey! Welcome to the forum :wave:

It’s great that you’re self-aware enough to know that you need to change! That’s always a great first step.

Reaching your “old” levels of concentration and discipline after so much time on the internet, could take some time, but just keep at it, and you’ll be able to do it!

I look forward, to hearing about your progress!


#3

Thanks a lot!I plan to do a short weekly update every weekend on the community journal thread,reporting how my past week progress has been.