This feels hard to type.
Recently I’ve come to the inescapable conclusion that I’m addicted to internet use, specifically to YouTube and Reddit. This conclusion came from reading into research on internet addiction and specifically this article: Differential physiological changes following internet exposure in higher and lower problematic internet users
It talks about the physiological symptoms of someone that tested to have various levels of Problematic Internet Usage (PIU) - specifically exposure to the internet creates similar symptoms in someone with high PIU that alcohol has on an alcoholic.
I really always thought it was just about me getting my shit together. There’s plenty of people I know that use YouTube and it doesn’t run their lives. But it’s cost me. I’ve managed to create some amount of success for myself even with this, but I’m constantly cleaning up after my own messes, created from the sleep deprivation. I’m a programmer for a living and I do great work when I didn’t just spend the last night awake until 3am watching whothefuckevencares on youtube. I’ve neglected friendships for this, left social gatherings, because I wanted to be on the internet instead. Back when i was in highschool, I was invited to go to prom with a group of people that I knew, and I backed out because I’d rather spend the time on youtube.
My mom was an alcoholic, and I always thought that I was better because I never resorted to using drugs. I just never realized that I was just as addicted, mine was just not as obvious.
Thanks for reading all that, or at least skimming it. I felt like I needed to get it off my chest.
So what’s next?
Looking for a therapist in the area
no idea if anyone specializes in help with this, or if I’ll just get laughed out, but I’m in a techy area so seems like a good first step
Cutting out YouTube/Reddit completely
I’ve tried to do this in the past using website blockers as a crutch, but they really aren’t a substitute for willpower
Reaching out to the friends I do have
I’m honestly suprised that people could stand being around me when i was in full addict mode. Most of college is a blur tbh. But there’s still people that like being around me & I’m asking them for help with this. Because I really can’t fix this on my own.