How deleting Instagram made me a better Boyfriend


#1

Hi All,

First time posting on here, but have lurked on the sub reddit for quite some time.

Just a quick background: I am 25 years old and have been with my girlfriend for almost 6 years. For the past 6 months I had been studying extensively for an exam that is only offered once a year, so you can imagine how much it must suck to not pass. A close friend recommended r/nosurf as well as reading Cal Newport’s book “Deep Work”, at which point I decided to delete all social media on my phone so I can optimize studying. Fast forward 6 months to now, two weeks post exam, and I don’t have the slightest urge to re-engage in any of it.

Reflecting on it now, I realize the most important discovery of removing social media from my life wasn’t just increased focus while studying, but the impact it’s had on my relationship with not only my girlfriend, but friends in general.

On instagram I would endlessly scroll through fitness models and attractive women from college/high school. I felt I spent more time looking at things I thought I wanted/needed, instead of appreciating everything I already have. Now I can spend my time with my girl friend and just be in the moment with her, realizing she is everything and more than I could have ever hoped for.

I feel like I am starting to ramble, but If anyone has any questions or needed a little boost I hope this helps.


#2

Wow man talk about grace! You were so lucky to have a friend that happened to read “Deep Work” and was able to recommend it. And he knew about NoSurf too! That’s absolutely crazy. I always felt like every student would be so much better set up for success if they learned about NoSurf and read books like “The Shallows”, “Deep Work”, and “The Willpower Instinct.” I know I sure wish I could go back to freshman year of college and teach myself all of it :sweat_smile:

It’s so awesome to read that cutting out social media had other unexpected benefits apart from just helping you in your studies.

I think the influence of social media can be very strong and lead to a warped perception of reality. I’ve honestly noticed exactly what you’re talking about in my own experiences with it.

When all you see is lavish lifestyles and hyper-sexualized images in feeds for multiple hours every day, it’s so easy to get sucked into the trap of comparison, desire, and dissatisfaction. Social media often times promotes the molding of a mindset of lack.

It’s so clear from the joy and happiness you’ve found in your relationship with your girlfriend that all of the beauty and joy in life comes from the direct opposite mindset, one of abundance.

The beauty is all around us. All of our lives are overflowing with it, as long as we’re willing to look for it. Social media and the mental behaviors it can generate can make seeing and understanding that really hard.

I’m really happy that deleting Instagram helped you realize that and has led to a richer and more fulfilling life for you. I also made the choice to remove all social media from my life because I believed the overall net effect on my life it was having negative, and I’m much happier for it.


#3

the fitness people on instagram are the worst…I work in social media so I’m forced to see pics like this all the time…:confused: like their entire page will just be yoga pants and butts! wtff

and I know it’s all photoshop and filters but it still makes me feel insecure sometimes…like that’s what all the guys my age are seeing and comparing me too. So it makes me so happy that you quit!! and I wish more guys would too. You sound like an awesome boyfriend, your girlfriend must be really happy :slightly_smiling_face:


#5

sorry if that was confusing but I don’t work for instagram I just work for a company that does a lot of marketing on social media so i have to use instagram/twitter a lot for work.