My name is Brittany, I’m 25, British, and I’ve slowly been coming to terms with my life over the past couple of years. I’ve spent the vast majority of the last 9 years of my life online. Reddit, Youtube, Facebook, Twitch and some online games in the past have been the biggest problems for me.
I started pursuing a product release a couple of years ago. I got a lot of positive feedback, and put in a lot of work to get to market quickly, and communicated that intention to people who were excited. The work was overloading me to the very core, and when I started seeing scrutiny plastered over Facebook and Reddit over how long my work was taking, I started to collapse mentally. My workrate declined, and the stress obviously didn’t help me work. It really took the joy out of self improvement and left me in the hole of only finding this comfortably numb sensation from wasting away online. This is not my only failure in life, but I’m not going to beat myself up on the details, as the only battle that I’m waging right now is to get my workrate up and release my product.
Interestingly, the negativity from Facebook actually got me to leave it. So it’s been months since I’ve even had a social media account. I don’t feel that I’m missing out in any way. I did feel that way… for about a week… but I did gain a couple of hours a day from not being there. As strange as it sounds, it’s dramatically changed my perception on my need to socialize. It almost felt like it removed some cap on my social development that got placed there when I started heavily browsing the internet. I’d have never posted about this in months past, because I’d be terrified to think that my information would be shared to others, and they’d judge me for facing, and talking about my issues, and discredit my work with that.
I still struggle. Twitch, Reddit and Youtube take up staggering amounts of my time, and I feel very little pleasure in my work at the moment. I also find it distressing to disconnect and go to bed, giving me a lot of issues with sleep routine, which is quite self-perpetuating, since that prevents me from working on daytime chores. Other than dedicating more time to my product, and sleeping at the right times, I would like to find joy in my off-time, as opposed to stress satiation. I want to play video games in the evening for a couple of hours without the associated guilt and stress.
I’ve run out of steam, so I’m going to stop for now. If you’d like to chat with me, I’m available here and the group Discord chat, and would love to talk to people who can share their experience.