A Compassionate Journey to Freedom - Magis Journal


#21

Day 16 ~ 8/27/18

How I felt: I felt fine today. I almost got everything done and am aware of my distractions.
What went well: I progressed socially by doing my social heartistry challenges and finished my anki cards for Econ.
What could be improved: I slacked off today a bit towards the end of the day. My house is not a productive environment for me, so I need to change my work space.
Making tomorrow 1% better: I noticed a pattern that explains why I am not so productive after school. Every single school day for the past 6 years, I have immediately turned on the computer and slacked off on the internet. I need to break that pattern. Tomorrow when school ends, I will go straight to the library instead. I will not go home until I complete my daily outcomes.


#22

Yes! Figuring out patterns and acting to break them is at the heart of progress. Please keep us posted.


#23

Day 17 ~ 8/28/18

How I feel about today: Awesome! I made lots of progress in my productivity and discipline.
What went well: I broke my procrastination pattern today by heading to the library after school. I noticed that changing my environment significantly shifts my focus and kept me less tempted to slack off on youtube or facebook. As a result, I got 5/7 outcomes completed today, and successfully completed my morning and afternoon routines.
What could be improved: When I got home from the library, I immediately felt unfocused, distracted, and half-assed the rest of the to-dos I planned. Fortunately, the last few to-dos were very low stakes. Lesson learned: if I want to get things done, DO NOT GO HOME!
Making tomorrow 1% better: The reason why I went home from the library early today because I did not have earbuds to watch the videos I needed without disturbing everyone else in the library. Tomorrow, I will bring earbuds!


#24

Day 18 ~ 8/29/18 ~ FIRST SUCCESS!!

How I feel about today: Today went great! I got everything I wanted to get done and had two hours left to spare at the end of the day.
What went well: After school, I immediately headed to the library. I stayed there for 3-4 hours and got almost all my tasks done. Then, I went home b/c a kid booked my computer and I was hungry. When I went home, I could feel the urges to browse youtube and facebook. Fortunately, I did not and finished my tasks. This was the first time in a long time that I got everything I wanted done with time to spare!
What could be improved: After finishing my tasks, I just started browsing youtube and reddit mindlessly…LOL. I guess it was okay, but I didn’t feel good. I felt like I wasted my two hours of free time. Maybe I should spend that time reading or practice cooking next time.
Making tomorrow 1% better: Go to the branch library instead of village. The village is crowded with kids using up all the computers. Branch is a lot more quieter and less people use the computers.


#25

Congratulations on this first success, hopefully the first of many :slightly_smiling_face:

When you really start doing the things that are important to you, naturally the slice of free time gets smaller, which makes the decisions on what to use this limited time on harder. I feel like the natural realization would be that within a productive day there simply is no allotted time for mindless browsing and watching videos, since it always cuts into things that are more important to you.


#26

Good point, I’ll definitely keep that in mind. Thanks!


#27

Day 19 ~ 8/30/18

How I feel about today: Good.
What went well: I almost finished all the tasks I had in mind today. I could have finished them, but the unexpected appointment at the bank today broke my pattern. My mother took me there and we stayed for 2 hours to open my bank account. This resulted in me coming home late (home is a distraction-filled environment for me). Yet, I managed to get almost everything I wanted to get done.
What could be improved: Go to the library even if it closes in an hour. I get so much more done at the library in one hour then when I am at home for 6 hours.
Making tomorrow 1% better: Go to the library.


#28

It’s great that you managed to be productive within an environment that is rife with triggers for distraction. While your method of using the library as a designated space for getting things done makes a lot of sense I too hope that you’ll with time be able to transform the associations you have with your home.


#29

Day 23 ~ 9/3/18

So I spiraled back into procrastination for a bit, but I’m back on track.

How I feel today: This has to be one of my best days. I set the bar low today to build accountability with myself. I set 3 outcomes to complete by the end of the day. I succeeded and got even more things done today. What u/horatio said about having the “natural realization would be that within a productive day there simply is no allotted time for mindless browsing and watching videos, since it always cuts into things that are more important to you” really stuck with me. Today’s purpose was not to knock out as many things off my to-do list as possible to chill afterwards. Rather, it was to make sure that I was doing everything I enjoy doing and progressing in my school and personal projects. This is my new metric for success.
What went well: So I started off a little shaky. I was on sites I wasn’t supposed to be on, but around 1PM, I left the house to read and workout. From there, I started snowballing. I went to a Tea&Grill place near my house and finished my work there. What I found was that I am most creative and able to get things done when 1) I am in environment free of distractions and 2) playful with my work. I feel like when I am intentionally pushing myself to get things done, I lose the lightheartedness and joy of life. I start feeling stressed and frustrated for not getting things done fast enough and constantly get distracted. This feeling of frustration is what led me spiral back into procrastination a few days ago. Fortunately, my daily meditations (I’m on a 13 day streak :slight_smile: ) has made me realize that when I feel distracted, unfocused, or frustrated, I need to return to the breath. I need to return to the place of lightheartedness and joy that has no outcomes and definitely not trying to prove anything. Surprisingly, this is what allowed me to end my writer’s block and flow, resulting in me achieving my outcomes for the day.
What could be improved upon: My start up time was really really late today. I woke up at 7AM and didn’t really get going until 1PM. If I started earlier, I probably wouldn’t have the need to stay up til 10PM LOL.
Making tomorrow 1% better: I’m going to be a bit sleepy tomorrow, but I must wake up at 5AM. When I wake-up early, I am able to sleep earlier. Also, after school I must head to the library right away. I’m looking forward to tomorrow!


#30

Day 25 ~ 9/5/18

How I feel today: Emotional resistance and frustration. Today, I was focusing on learning to fully accept and love myself. I am not going to delve into too much, but it was soooo hard for me. I wanted to put on my sexual, invincible, and stoic mask because I know it will get me the short-term validation. But I also know that those masks are just masks. Behind it is an insecure and wounded boy. I’m currently doing a lot of emotional work to return to a place of emotional and spiritual wholeness.
What went well: I got a majority of the things I wanted done.
What could be improved on: Get more sleep. I had 6 hours last night and 4 hours the day before. I was exhausted today.
Making tomorrow 1% better: I am heading to bed right now. It’s 6:58. I must get enough rest!


#31

This is so hard. I’ve been slipping up over and over again. I feel like I am in an internet rut. I am not eating right anymore, stopped working out, and I have been mindlessly surfing the internet. I’m not depressed, in fact, I am actually really happy at school, but when I get home, it’s a procrastination mess.


#32

Please start to use your journal again. I love to read it and took my inspiration from its layout. Reflecting each and every day - even if it’s just some minutes - will help.


#33

Is there somewhere you can go after school? Could you stay the library or public library?

Going home does this to a lot of people. The association is one of casual relaxation and it’s a rather laissez faire environment. Try have some things lined up for after school rather than going straight home.


#34

9/13/18
How I feel about today: I definitely did a lot better, but still not productive.
What went well: I only wasted an 1hr and a half on the internet and I meditated a lot!
What could be improved upon: So I am try to re-wire my brain so I don’t need to rely on the internet to stimulate my brain 24/7. It’s hard to sit or do tasks with no stimulus coming from my phone or computer and I have noticed that whenever I have the urges to be stimulated, I turn on my podcasts. I’ll try not to tomorrow.
My biggest struggle: For the past weeks, I have been challenged by this paper I am trying to write. My teacher gave me full creative freedom, which is good, but I have been struggling with putting words onto paper. I know what story I want to tell, but I find it hard to put it into cohesive words and sentences. This is the major reason I have been procrastinating lately. This task feels so painful that I end up putting it off. To combat this, I have set a deadline in which I will present my paper on the 29th of September and I will sit at the library for the entire weekend until I get my first draft finished. I’ll try to take the pressure off and just get the story out so I can start my second draft, which is the one I should probably care more about.
One% better tomorrow: 1) delete spotify off my phone 2) sit in front of the type writer at the library and bleed
Today’s Stats:

  • Sleep Tracker: 3/5 - Woke up at 6AM
    I slept for about 8 hours, but was still tired this morning. I think I should put away my phone when I am winding down instead of laying there listening to podcasts.
  • Morning routine: Success-ish. I did not clean my room til evening because I was short on time.
  • For my daily mvmt, I did 34 minutes of beginning yoga
  • Meditated twice: Immediately when I woke up and after school when I got home
  • Book: Got to page 32 of the Alabaster Girl by Zan Perrion
  • Time wasted on internet: about 1hr and 30 minutes (about 1hr on podcasts, and the rest of the 30 minutes were used up on discord and youtube)

Most Important Tasks for tomorrow: Sit down and finish my 1st draft of my AP Lang project.


#35

This is a good attitude to have. To be a writer means to sit down to write, no matter what. You just have to accept that next to the good stuff a lot of trash will end up on page. It‘s no problem though, since you can easily cut it out when revising. To write means to re-write - again and again.


#36

When you write a first draft just focus on getting words down on paper. Don’t focus on quality, don’t try to make sure it sounds good just write. Focus on iterating through multiple drafts and slowly perfecting them over time, rather than obsessively writing and refining each sentence as you go.


#37

Hey @magis, not sure how often you visit here anymore but I hope you return soon and give us an update on how you are doing. Even if you aren’t doing well, that’s not something to be ashamed of. All problems can be solved with a good action plan and some effort.

It’s really inspiring how ambitious you are with your goals but as I can see with your more recent posts, sometimes we bite off much more than we can chew. The journey to becoming an extremely productive and healthy person doesn’t happen all at once. Rather it’s a bunch of little baby steps over a long period of time (often years).

In moments like this, it’s good to get clear about what you really want. Most people can only work towards 1-3 major lifestyle changes at a time. Anything more than that usually means things just get messy and stressful. Assuming your top priority right now is getting good grades in school, I’ll let you know that you don’t need to meditate, wake up at 6AM every morning (though getting sleep is important in general), exercise everyday, read “just for fun” in your spare time, or achieve complete emotional/physical oneness in order to get good grades.

You just need to master the art of retaining information, get really clear about what your teacher’s expectations are, and then just plain sit down and do the work. Everything else is just an after thought. Seems like you achieve this best by working at the library (I’m the same), committing to a healthy sleep routine (also same), and then sticking to a NoSurf lifestyle (same again…). Make those 3 tasks your top priority and then drop everything else. Once you’ve mastered those things, then you can reintroduce meditation, exercise, and the rest gradually. For example, just start with 5 minutes of mediation per day and 10 minutes of at-home cardio (jumping jacks, squat jumps, burpees etc.). Once you’ve mastered that, then you can set yourself up for bigger goals once again.

It’s good to be ambitious. You just need to be really strategic about it and commit to growing slowly rather than all at once. If you develop yourself slowly, the changes are much more likely to last as well.

I hope to hear from you again soon :slight_smile: